10 p.m. rationale

 Do you know that feeling?

Those sudden urges to just do it. Don’t think. Just. Do.

We live our lives dictated by fear. Say, right now I would like to pack a bag, go to Times Square and watch as the people pass by me in a city that never sleeps. You would say,

1.     That’s brash.

2.     That’s selfish.

3.     You’re just dreaming.

So let me ask you. Why not?

Why can’t I pack my bags and buy a 1-way ticket to New York right now? Why can’t I embark on a journey? Why can’t I follow my heart?

What is right or wrong anyways?

Our world is guide lined by so-called ‘ethics’. Just put that aside for a sec. don’t think about how you would get sacked of your job, don’t think about how you won’t be able to graduate with honors. Don’t think about what others think.

Just one question. What do you want to do right now?

And really, what is stopping you?

Someone once told me that being selfish is not necessarily a bad thing. I feel that I can’t do what I want because my actions affect others. I feel like, I owe people parts of me. I can’t do this because he/she/it don’t like it.

I want to have steak and fries tonight. But gran can’t eat beef, dad has indigestion problems and mom prefers Chinese.

But what if I politely tell them, that I have been waiting to get out of boarding for weeks and every cell in my body will not relax until I have a plate the size of Jupiter with steak and fries right in front of me? I will say please of course.

Doing what you want is different from being inconsiderate. Doing what you want is telling someone that this is what you want to do in life, not in purpose of agitating others but simply, because it makes you happy. And if you are important to those who are important to you, they will see it.

Dad could have a smoothie with a bowl of salad. Gran and mom could go for Chinese in the restaurant next door and we could all resume shopping together afterwards. Because they know just how much I’ve waited to eat that disgusting plate of grease. Even if it’s the most absurd thing they ever hear me wanting to do.

See, it doesn’t matter if I want a plate of overcooked meat with trans-fat chocked fries or if I want to go to New York and stand in the middle of Time Square to watch people pass by or even if I want to go to an ivy-league school.

If I have the passion for it, I have the power to get it. And not one person will be able to reason out otherwise.

I think figuring out what you want is the hard part. If you want something without any basis, anyone can pull you down.

It is so important for us to dream. Search.  Question. Wander.

“Not all those who wander are lost.”- J.R. Tolkien

What is your identity?

What do you really want out of life?

Figuring out what you want to do for the rest of your career and life at the age by the first quarter of your life doesn’t make sense. Guess the point of all these expensive tuition fees is just to give you a glimpse of a speck of what the world has to offer. Unfortunately, we’re mindlessly focused on academia that life almost seems limited to the number of A’s we get sometimes.

I’m searching for an answer. It’s been almost a year since I’ve asked myself,

“What do you want?”

I had little to no avail in answering it. I haven’t given up on answering it though. I’m still working on it.

“So what are you gonna do?”

“I don’t know.”