10 p.m. rationale

 Do you know that feeling?

Those sudden urges to just do it. Don’t think. Just. Do.

We live our lives dictated by fear. Say, right now I would like to pack a bag, go to Times Square and watch as the people pass by me in a city that never sleeps. You would say,

1.     That’s brash.

2.     That’s selfish.

3.     You’re just dreaming.

So let me ask you. Why not?

Why can’t I pack my bags and buy a 1-way ticket to New York right now? Why can’t I embark on a journey? Why can’t I follow my heart?

What is right or wrong anyways?

Our world is guide lined by so-called ‘ethics’. Just put that aside for a sec. don’t think about how you would get sacked of your job, don’t think about how you won’t be able to graduate with honors. Don’t think about what others think.

Just one question. What do you want to do right now?

And really, what is stopping you?

Someone once told me that being selfish is not necessarily a bad thing. I feel that I can’t do what I want because my actions affect others. I feel like, I owe people parts of me. I can’t do this because he/she/it don’t like it.

I want to have steak and fries tonight. But gran can’t eat beef, dad has indigestion problems and mom prefers Chinese.

But what if I politely tell them, that I have been waiting to get out of boarding for weeks and every cell in my body will not relax until I have a plate the size of Jupiter with steak and fries right in front of me? I will say please of course.

Doing what you want is different from being inconsiderate. Doing what you want is telling someone that this is what you want to do in life, not in purpose of agitating others but simply, because it makes you happy. And if you are important to those who are important to you, they will see it.

Dad could have a smoothie with a bowl of salad. Gran and mom could go for Chinese in the restaurant next door and we could all resume shopping together afterwards. Because they know just how much I’ve waited to eat that disgusting plate of grease. Even if it’s the most absurd thing they ever hear me wanting to do.

See, it doesn’t matter if I want a plate of overcooked meat with trans-fat chocked fries or if I want to go to New York and stand in the middle of Time Square to watch people pass by or even if I want to go to an ivy-league school.

If I have the passion for it, I have the power to get it. And not one person will be able to reason out otherwise.

I think figuring out what you want is the hard part. If you want something without any basis, anyone can pull you down.

It is so important for us to dream. Search.  Question. Wander.

“Not all those who wander are lost.”- J.R. Tolkien

What is your identity?

What do you really want out of life?

Figuring out what you want to do for the rest of your career and life at the age by the first quarter of your life doesn’t make sense. Guess the point of all these expensive tuition fees is just to give you a glimpse of a speck of what the world has to offer. Unfortunately, we’re mindlessly focused on academia that life almost seems limited to the number of A’s we get sometimes.

I’m searching for an answer. It’s been almost a year since I’ve asked myself,

“What do you want?”

I had little to no avail in answering it. I haven’t given up on answering it though. I’m still working on it.

“So what are you gonna do?”

“I don’t know.”

reflection (22/10/12-25/10/12)

This week, I faced some difficulty with my essay as I had not gotten my structure checked. With a little bit of peer assessment, I found my way back this week again. I found it vital to plan the structure for this essay as compared to the research essay as this needs a lot more analysis in my opinion. I realize I had forgotten a lot about 1984( one of two books that I'm writing on) hence I need to do more research on it's quotations. I've repeated my mistake of not preparing a solid structure again for this essay and I really need to stop doing this.

That aside, it's been amazing to see the responds I got from 'rant'( thank you for sharing my post with others, Ms. Abena! :D) as I got great responses that developed my ideas of improving our current education system further. Of course it's still a pipe dream at the moment but all these feedback made me realize that I'm not alone and there are lots of people; people whom I never thought would agree with the idea of exams being an dispensable qualifier for students, sharing their opinions and simply widening my perspective even more. I really felt happy that my sudden vent had an affect as I would love to continue writing more and developing my ideas further.

Asessing ourselves to death

Good read on exams-http://shankerblog.org/?p=6835

A Pondering

Consider this a rant. I’ve been pondering tirelessly on why exams matter. To my employers in the future, it will provide them with a rough estimate on my capability. To universities/colleges, they want to see that I’ve got the brains or the extra edge to make them look good. To exam boards, I’m just another number waiting to be rounded of statistically to graph the average intelligence of teenagers today. To my parents, it’ll get you jobs. To be honest, I still don’t think I’ll ever need to use pi, cosine or the Pythagoras’s theorem unless I’m some architect or mathematician. I like to talk. I’m good at bullshiting. I don’t walk the walk but I can talk the talk. I can lie pretty well. That aside, I’m passionate about talking. Writing. Expressing my thoughts when I’ve to submit homework in t-minus 12 hours. I don’t really have the patience to sit and do boring homework. Why is homework boring anyways? Who the heck made studying synonymous to house chores in the syllable of a teen? To learn is to be intrigued, captivated and inspired. These four walls are meant to be torn down and expose students to passionate learning. Exams make education seem like a race when real education is never a race. We learn until we are buried in our graves or until Alzheimer’s hit you. I like to listen to debates. My brain is pumped with adrenaline and that’s where I see people who are quick on their feet. On the go. I love listening to TED talks. People have these ideas to share and they engage me. I like to listen in History because my teacher talks and not just teach. We’re only human. And scientifically, the brain has not much energy as compared to the body. The brain has about less than a quarter of the body’s energy. We get bored. An average school day is almost 6 hours long. When I get back, I’m expected to revise. My brain can’t handle that. My idea of a perfect school day would be 1-2 classes a day, 2 hours for each. We should then be encouraged to do research, and to explore. Why am I studying for 9 academic subjects? Is the point in doing so really just to prove my ‘intelligence’ to others? Everybody is so different. But with this race for academic excellence, almost every kid nowadays speak at least 2 languages, plays an instrument, goes for tuition, spends more money on tuition and feels knackered out their wits to be human. We’re almost like robots. People might argue that the secret to academia success is simply time management but that already sounds like a chore. Why do we feel like a need to laze on the bed at times? To kill time and watch soaps? Unless you’re the type who loves routine, being neat and organized, I can’t stand it! I want to inspire and be inspired. That, in my opinion, is the best way to learn because you feel motivated. You don’t need to be pushed. You WANT to learn. How do exams motivate me? They make me feel like I’m on a death row. Exams should be gotten rid of and university placements are bull because if you haven’t realized, they’re out to earn money from us lot (students) as well. This endless chase for money. We’re slaves to a system we ourselves created. I myself am not free from this neither. I simply question freedom. Aren’t we simply escaping from smaller cages to bigger cages in terms of academia when we excel in our studies? Unless you are a scholar or someone who studies as a job, we’re supposed to follow our own pathways. Make our own mistakes and learn from them. Live a life that is ours. Be honest, be open and explore. We are a blank canvas. A friend once told me that we as humans are selfish. We have a desire to want more than to give. Our raw animal instinct to simply cooperate and survive diminishes because we bite off more than what we can chew. We always want more. Why is being complacent a bad thing? The human species is like a disease eating and killing off the Earth’s resources because we’re greedy. Once all these resources are depleted of, we will then become extinct and guess what happens next. The Earth will heal and we humans will simply disappear. We should exist as an encyclopedia of different facts instead of becoming carbon copies of one another. Like that Einstein quote, if you try to judge how a fish can climb as good as a monkey something yada yada. Everyone is a brilliant individual but we’re brilliant in different things. I really wish we could embrace our differences more. This is my opinion on life or simply another excuse to procrastinate on my homework. Everybody loves learning but not everyone enjoys it in the way of the current cookie cutter system. Exams do not determine who I am. I am here to learn. And I am here to live.

Reflection (8/10/12-12/10/12)

This week has been extremely stressful. I felt like I've got a great start to my comparison essay but I'm just barraged with preparing for my math exam, chemistry studies, art work, and the essay as well. I feel unwell. I did not do enough of any part. That aside, with proper planning and guides, I find it easier to plan my essay as compared to my previous essay on Malcolm X. I can't wait for the holidays where I can study a few extra hours without being annoyed by the 10pm curfew that I have in boarding. There's just not enough time. I know I could've gotten everything done if I maximized all my time to the best of my capability but I've tried my best. It's been a tiring week but I will be able to recuperate and focus on my math exam and essay during the mid-term break.

Reflection (1/10/12-5/10/12)

This week in english I've learnt on how to compare critically. Our discussions on juxtapose helped me to understand how to contrast different elements and I also learnt not to use psychoanalysis but I'm still not too clear on what exactly is psychoanalysis. I really enjoyed the edmodo homework on nominalisations as the article from the New York times is really fun to read. I even shared it on various social platforms. However, the article on poetic structure felt a little boring but was helpful as I learned about enjambement and poetic lines.

Working through the Hero's Journey structure was also fun but it did not show how I could contrast and compare in my essay. What I did learn the activity was how the Hero's Journey relate to so many other stories and often inspire other stories such as The Hunger Games. I could see my hero (Malcolm X) relating more to that structure and this makes me feel more ready and prepared to write structured, comparison essays.

Structure reflection

What have you learned from completing this exercise?

I've learnt to dig deeper when juxtaposing elements in a story. Through discussions, Praveen and I had manage to develop a creative juxtapose.

What made it challenging?

I was not sure how to observe the structure of Chapter 1. Is juxtapose a part of structure? 

What made it possible to complete it?

We were able to elaborate on the juxtapose of Chapter 1 but we did not observe the structure of the chapter at all besides the dramatic selection of Prim as tribute at the end of the chapter.

What have you learned about how to approach these kind of tasks?

To come up with rough ideas and to discuss thoroughly with others before setting ink onto paper( or in this case, typing onto the google doc)

Look at the success criteria. Do you have any questions about this learning before you can consider yourself successful?

I simply do not understand how juxtaposes relate to structure. Isn't the structure of a chapter suppose to be the eloquence of Collins' writing throughout Chapter 1? How we organize the flow of the story? What is a structure anyways?